Making friends and influencing people: Ur doin’ it rong

I’ve been avoiding the Romancelandia blogs in favor of writing, so I almost missed the “Avon editors diss online romance reviewers” kerfluffle. But while it doesn’t surprise me that mainstream NY print publishing isn’t 100% caught up on the marvels of the online reading/reviewing community and how it can be used to further sales and build reader enthusiasm, I have to wonder at the vitriolic tone in response to what seem to be rather innocuous and well-intended — if possibly ill-informed — comments.

Yeah, it makes sense to say, “Dude, you might be a tad behind the curve on this,” and provide data to support your point. Less with the sense-making is the whole, “OMG, you took a piss in my Wheaties ON PURPOSE and I’m TOTALLY GOING TO CUT YOU,” thing.

I thought the intent was to educate the industry on the joys of the online community, not score Imaginary Intraweb points by launching attacks and fomenting bad feelings. Doesn’t look like those Avon editors will be standing in line for any “education” anytime soon. Counter-productive, much?

But what the hell do I know? I live in jeans and dirty sneakers, and my style-quotient is WAY below the norm. Maybe sporting a massive a chip on your shoulder is the new black?

Gooooooood morning, Viet Nam!!!!

Huh?

Yeah, I don’t know either. It’s that kind of day, and it’s not even 9AM yet. The kind of day that starts with a bang and ends with a fifth of Cuervo…except it’s Wednesday, which means homework, piano lessons and gymnastics, with possibly a trip to the lake if the weather holds, and a full, three course dinner for the five us plus clean-up, so the Cuervo really can’t happen till well after nine, and by then…seriously, what’s the point? I can face-plant on the bed just as easily if I skip it and wake up tomorrow without my head aching and my mouth tasting like the wrong end of my beagle’s tail.

So.

I’ve been baaaaaad blogger. I know this. And I have no defense, nor anything interesting to say, so I’ll just link to my shiny new interview at Reviews by Jessewave and call it a day, ’k?

Amazonfail/Amazon Rank + review of YotC

UPDATE II: The LA Times weighs in.

UPDATE: Smart Bitches attempt Google bomb = Amazon rank.

So, how long do you think the Taliban-esque branch of the conservative right wing has had Jeff Bezos’ balls in their pocket? Check here for bits and pieces of the sad tale. Outrage is rampant, petitions are circulating, the media has been alerted. We’ll see if it does any good.

And incidentally, if the stated goal is to protect the kiddies, then WTF is up with some of the titles that still have rankings and searchability?  Check this list. Talk about lame. Seriously…if you’re gonna cave to the wing-nuts, at least be efficient about it. Nobody respects a half-assed effort at pandering and cowardice.

Also, Twitter is abuzz with the news. Or atweet. Whatever.

Happy Easter to those who celebrate. We’re Orthodox Christian, so our fast begins today and our Easter is a week from today. Less crowded grocery aisles! Cheaper legs o’ lamb! Rabbit-shaped chocolate on clearance! It’s a good thing.

I got an early gift from Teh Bunny in the form of a thoughtful, amazingly insightful review from Kassa for Year of the Cat. Just what I needed to warm me on a chilly, gray day.

Bored now.

UPDATE: Thanks for the comments. What’s up now is just a placeholder till I can get my act together and do something more elaborate.  🙂

Please pardon the ugly while I struggle to redesign the site. Got tired of the singin’ the blues. Looking for something warmer…lighter…dare I say it? Will I jinx the entire northeastern US and bring down an April blizzard on our heads if I say I’m feeling spring-ish?

Here goes nothin’.

Yes. THIS.

Kerry Allen has the last word on e-piracy. Everybody else – and that includes “industry professionals” who tell authors to quit bitching about being bent over and buggered without benefit of lube by scumbag thieves because it might “alienate readers” – can just suck on this for a while, yes? Yes.

Also, have you visited Romance Cooties lately?

M/M Romance Challenge

The M/M Romance Challenge, hosted by Anesthezea at I ♥ Paperbacks.

I’m trying for 10 m/m romances between now and the end of August.

My list thus far:

1. A Heat. Seeking. Missile. by E.M. Lynley
2. Mexican Heat by Josh Lanyon & Laura Baumbach
3. A Roof for the Rain by Katrina Strauss

Cadbury eggs are birthed from the loins of Satan himself.

In other news, Kerry Allen has finally (FINALLY) launched Romance Cooties. (Because I haven’t been waiting six months already. Jeez.)

I’m finding Twitter an excellent way of getting further and further in the hole when it comes to my writing, but I’m picking up lots of nifty gossip. For example, Blind Item the First: What major epublisher has let it be known the “fad” of m/m romance is over? This despite at least three other large epubs reporting increasing sales in the sub-genre and calling for more m/m submissions?

Saw Duplicity last night. Very Ocean’s 11, but darker and with more sex, and about 30 minutes too long. Theater was PACKED.

So far this first weekend of spring ’09 has been a bit of a bust in terms of productivity on any level, but I have high hopes for tomorrow. Can’t possibly be more of a slacker than I have the past two days.

Grrr. Argh. Plus! Actual content.

I caught a nasty undercurrent of that whole “authors need to keep their mouths shut lest they alienate readers” thing again today, and it made me a little sick inside – particularly since the conversation was about ebook piracy. Apparently, authors just need to suck it up, buttercup, because the last thing readers want to hear is that we’re pissed over thievery.

I don’t understand this attitude, especially coming from an industry professional whose livelihood is tied to the success of epublishing.

To paraphrase author Ann Vremont, alienated readers aren’t the problem, from a business standpoint – alienated BUYERS (and potential buyers) are the problem. Is a buyer/potential buyer going to be offended because I come out strongly against ebook piracy? Why? They’re willing to pay for the books they read. Ebook piracy hurts them, too, because it causes prices to rise, the same way insurance fraud causes premiums to rise. It’s caused at least one author to reconsider writing an entire series because the profit/loss margin was too thin. So buyers and potential buyers who are willing to pay me for my work should be just as unhappy about piracy as I am.

But if the readers this industry pro was talking about are the ones who steal books, well, then…fuck ’em. Let ’em be alienated. They’ve already alienated me, and no lame-ass justification like “but if I like what I steal, I may pay for it later,” is going to change that.

I know I can be offensive as hell, in that whole “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” way of women everywhere. I know it’s probably cost me a few sales. I know it’s made me a few sales, too. There are companies to which I’d never bother submitting my work because I find the comments and behavior of some of their employees off-putting. I have no doubt at least one or two of these same companies would reject my work only because it’s mine. So we’re all in agreement, and I’m good with the balance.

And digital thieves can still blow me.  🙂

***

New reviews:

4 Stars from BookWenches for Year of the Cat: “Selah March’s Year of the Cat takes the fairytale Puss and Boots and stands it on its ear. This is not the children’s story that many of us grew up loving; this is a much darker tale filled with anger and violence… For all its dark overtones and BDSM theme, this is a very well-done and enjoyable story about love and the transforming nature of sacrifice made in the name of love. Ms. March has done a fantastic and clever job of weaving a fairytale out of Year of the Cat. The tone is very matter-of-fact and “once upon a time,” even though the subject matter is a little startling. This has a distinct feeling of being the dark counterpart to the Puss in Boots tale, and I was thrilled to be able to pick out similarities in plot between the two stories.

If you are a fan of the fairytale, I recommend that you give Year of the Cat a shot. It will give you a whole new outlook on Puss in Boots that has nothing to do with cartoon tabby cats who sound suspiciously like Antonio Banderas. Well done, Ms. March. I look forward to your next offering!” ~B.D. Whitney

4.5 Stars from Reviews by Jessewave for Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: “I’m not a huge fan of mysteries or horror stories, but the very aptly named Whiskey Tango Foxtrot was an enthralling read that kept me wide-eyed and reading voraciously to find out what happens next. I’m looking forward to reading more from Ms. March.” ~emmyjag

Finally, I have a guest blog up this week at BookWenches on the subject of antagonists, villains and anti-heroes. I tried not to sound like my senior year English teacher. I suspect I failed.

Occasionally, I “insult” my mother by calling her “Mom,” too.

This pissed me off beyond the telling. Not the original post, but the blithe, “yeah, I’m screwing you and I could give a fuck, aren’t I frickin’ ADORABLE?” attitude of a certain commenter.
Hey, doll. I know you’re sort of irredeemably slimy, you know you’re sort of irredeemably slimy, do we really have to listen to your attempts to justify your sliminess on top of it?

We do?

Really?

*sigh*

How ’bout this: If you can’t afford to buy a book, instead of stealing it…don’t buy it. Save up. That’s what I do when I see something I want and don’t have the money in my wallet to purchase it. Yeah, I know – how 20th century. Why eschew instant gratification at any cost? Not like it’s SCREWED AN ENTIRE ECONOMY OR ANYTHING.

The invitation to blow me stands. I’m sure you won’t mind if I close my eyes and think of England (or Edinburgh, as the case may be), and then disinfect like a scene out of Silkwood when you’re through, right?

I need to go buy something off iTunes and pay for it. Maybe twice, for good measure. Who knows? Maybe it’ll start a trend.

Help. There’s a piano in my kitchen and I can’t get up.

Let me ‘splain.

No, there is too much.

Let me sum up.

It’s not a large kitchen. Not for a family of five. Which makes sense, as it’s in the middle of a rather small house – too small to easily accommodate even relatively slight renovations like the refinishing of floors and the painting of rooms while said family is in residence.

And yet…

The piano? It doesn’t fit in any room that isn’t currently undergoing renovation. Except, of course, the kitchen. Which is also the only room where there is currently any seating. And the room where the dogs live. And the room where the kids do their homework, and my husband does charting late into the night.

*whimper*

It gives a whole new perspective on how the pioneers lived, which is to say ON TOP OF EACH OTHER.

Me? I like my solitude. Over the past ten days, when I’m not struggling to put a meal on the covered-with-sawdust table or fighting for three square feet around the sink to wash dishes, I’ve been locked in my bedroom – and sometimes my van – trying to write.

IT’S NOT GOING WELL.

Another week and it’s all over. No more floor-sanders or paint fumes or workmen in their BIG, LOUD BOOTS. The piano returns to its rightful place of honor in the space that once was a dining room and is now a family room-slash-office. No more hot dogs served in the master bedroom because the kitchen table is unusable. No more drinking straight from the two-liter bottle of Coke Zero so I have fewer dishes to wash.

So to everyone whose emails and phone messages I’ve read and heard but didn’t have time to answer, and all my crit partners whose work I’ve neglected in the midst of my season in Renovation Hell, I apologize, and plead extenuating circumstances (several of which I haven’t mentioned here). I’ll get with you shortly and spill all the horrific details.

That’s not a promise. More of a threat, in fact.

In the meantime, YEAR OF THE CAT made Amber Allure’s Top Ten Bestseller list for January, and garnered a couple of really nice reviews.

4 Stars from Rainbow Reviews: “Year of the Cat is the tale of Etienne and Jacques, their adventures, and is, in the end, a tale of love and redemption. Full of densely woven images, [Year of the Cat] does not disappoint.” ~Carole, Rainbow Reviews

4.5 Nymphs from Literary Nymphs: “Selah March writes of love, betrayal, forgiveness and personal-growth in Year of the Cat. Etienne has lived in his books and has no ‘street smarts’. Jacques has lived, done what he must to survive and has no qualms taking necessary risks. From the moment they met, Jacques felt something for the younger man that he wasn’t ready to identify. There were moments where I wanted to hit Jacques with a skillet, but I had to remember this was Etienne’s adventure; his time to learn and grow. There were hard lessons and sacrifices made by both men, but love is a powerful tool. This is definitely a story you don’t want to miss.” ~Scandalous Minx, Literary Nymphs Reviews

Also, WILD HORSES is now available at Fictionwise.

***

One week. I hear that’s a century in piano-in-the-kitchen years.